PG 13 and The Facts of Life

PG 13 and The Facts of life

I was born in the USA cartoon express days when
He-Man and She-Ra would take on mission impossible odds while Alvin and the Chipmunks sang songs to Gong Show audiences on American Band Stands.

Back when it was hip to be a square and nobody would even care if you were a Fat boy.
We all wanted to be Thunder Cats and Silver Hawks anyway until we were told to exit stage right because Racer X was murdered by a Decepticon.

I wondered where was danger mouse and what happened to super man?
I mean I was no brainy smurf but I knew that aliens were named Gordon Shumway and the universe was so easy bake oven if you only watched the days of our lives to Star Search.

I knew that I was from a Dynasty but still couldn’t figure out who shot J.R. so I decided to Get Smart.
I would flip through Picture Pages until the Cosby Kids went on to a Different World but It was my secret identity because I was born with a Silver Spoon even though I had to endure the same Growing Pains but it was still no problem because we had Charles in Charge. I would then have to look at my family ties.

Some people would ask me who’s the boss and I would say to them
“What you talking about Willis” These are the facts of life.

We were some wild and crazy kids just trying to jump rope for heart.
Every child wanted to go to candy land and meet strawberry shortcake unless they were on Cobra’s team then all they wanted to do was hit the highway man like knight rider because they didn’t believe in Care Bears or Gummy Juice anyway.

Kids wanted to grow up to be Robo Cops because they wanted to keep the world safe from Dr. Claw and I just saw it as a never ending Story something similar to dance party USA but I knew that I could Fraggle Rock and Dance on the water and not get wet because these are the breaks.

Besides the snorks wouldn’t appreciate that anyway.
Maybe I lived my life in the land of the lost. It did feel like I was in the Twilight Zone but I was pushing the outer limits because I wanted to get to the bottom of these unsolved mysteries believe it or not. And that led to a family feud.

One day I tried to 3 2 1 contact Sesame Street but somehow discovered a 10 million dollar pyramid.
I had to ask Mr. Wizard if he knew anything about what was going on and he told me in the heat of the night I would soon find a Naked gun but just Leave it to Beaver because Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was just like St. elsewhere and if I ever were in trouble all I would have to do is stop drop and roll until I made it to 21 Jump Street to find a phone to dial 227 that way I could reach out and touch someone.

It wasn’t until I was 30 something that I could look back on my Miami Vice and say this is your life and not a California Raisin.

My mother was a Golden Girl and my father was a 10 billion dollar man.
We all lived the life style of the rich and famous but were a little bewitched by Jetsons because we knew that flying cars only took you back to the future so they must have talking about some sort of Weird Science.

Like I said before I was smarter than the average bear. I waited until Ferris Beulers Day off to meet up with the A Team so we could turn on the intellivision.
The names and places were changed to protect the innocent but we could clearly see that Inspector Gadget was interrogating Mrs. Pac Man and would you believe she was in Jeopardy. He made her walk like an Egyptian. He said that he enjoyed the fact that she did it like a virgin.
I told ET to phone home so Mac and Me could get away from these critters but they had teamed up with the Gremlins and I don’t know what happened because even in a galaxy far, far away everyone knew you weren’t supposed to feed them after midnight.

So I stood there asking myself what would you do.
It was a super sloppy double dare and I blurted out you can’t do that on television because 1 2 Freddy’s coming for you as soon as look at the man in the mirror.

Now I was no moonwalker but I was still dancing on the ceiling because this is the world we live in.
I even had to let my buddy know that he was no son of mine.


And all of a sudden Bambi’s mother died.

I cried myself to sleep. How was I supposed to know that 911 was a joke to your town.
The last thing she said was Meet me at the crossroads which was somewhere near the Jukebox network but I wasn’t listening all I could say was uh huh ok what’s up Shut up.

I tried to blame it on the rain and didn’t care what anyone had to say because it was my prerogative.

I was walking around like all the other Niggaz with Attitudes trying to take a bite out of crime because they said only you can prevent forest fires and I believed it.
It wasn’t until 20/20 that I realized that I realized all of these street stories were up close and personal.

I tried to go back and follow the Dateline but couldn’t because I only had 60 minutes.


So what’s up with the Entertainment to night?

It all lead to my Arrested Development. I wanted to go back to Tennessee but they told me it was so high I can’t get over it and so low I can’t get under it and so now all I’m left with as a runaway child runnin’ wild is a living single guiding light. It felt like a nightmare on Elm Street.
Now everything is in living color just like Saturday night live except now its Mad T.V

Who would have thought they would have added a Flavor of Love to my bitter sweet symphony?
Then I thought to myself what would you do for a Klondike bar?

Maybe your mission if you choose to accept is to boldly go where no man has gone before because Whoop there it is your child hood is over.

I should have clicked my hills together and chanted there’s no place like home but I chose to ease on down the road and make a quantum leap into the world of tomorrow and who knows how many licks that will take.

The world will never know because it keeps going and going and going and so you‘ll just have to tune in next time.

Same Bat time. Same Bat channel, Same Bat place.


That’s all folks.